3 months and end of kindergarten

This post will be a two-fer.

EvaKate was 3 months about 10 days ago...I'm a little behind : ) wrapping up the baseball season and the school year has been a bit hectic. Plus I'm trying not to focus on it too much. 3 months to me marks the end of the newborn phase, which in a lot of ways is great, it means more interaction and personality. In others ways though it's hard. She's already so curious to see everything and seldom wants to just sit and snuggle as much. It just seemed to go by so quick! I'm looking forward to summer when I hopefully to get to just hang out with her a lot more.

She's so alert, and she knows her family. She smiles almost immediately when the boys or daddy starts talking to her. She's quite friendly as well, obliging most strangers with a smile. She is quite well behaved, she allowed us to go out for our first date night without her and she did fabulously. She doesn't hardly ever cry anymore, more just fusses when she's getting hungry or tired.

She has started to discover her hands and feet (although we've known about our thumb for quite some time...she's a thumb sucker!) and finds those quite interesting. She loves to talk. As soon as she sees someone she knows and they start talking to her, she usually responds back. In fact Jack just got up and came down and I can hear them having a little conversation right now.

She's pretty much perfect right now, ridiculously cute and fun. She has been such a wonderful and much adored addition to our family!

Switching to the second subject:

This is Josh's last week of kindergarten. It's been amazing to see the transformation that has occurred in the past year. He's a great reader and can read just about anything in front of him. The bummer news on this though is that spelling things out no longer works around him. He is a great writer as well and writes some hilarious stories.

It's fun to hear the teachers talk about your childs personality. He usually gets quite a few compliments from them, which is a bit surprising considering he's quite energetic and can talk like nobody's business. One of them told me he's a guys guy. I guess he's Mr. Tough Guy and whatever he's doing usually the others want to join in on. His other teacher told me how smart and sweet he was. I know most guys don't want to be known as sweet, but Josh really is, and I hope he can continue to balance being a guys guy and the sweetness which makes him so lovable. He genuinely cares about his family and isn't afraid to say so and talk about it at school. He adores his sister and is one of the greatest big brothers I've ever seen with her, so doting and caring. He wants to do good and thinks of others.

It's been a fun year to watch him grow in intelligence, awareness, self-discipline and independence. I love watching what a little man he's becoming! Pretty proud of his so far as well! Can't wait to see what 1st grade has in store for us!

6

Yesterday was Josh's birthday. Cannot believe that kid is six already!

While it's kind of a bummer for us both when mother's day and his birthday sink up, it was a little fun since it was the first time it had happened since he was born.

We didn't get to do a whole lot between my parents being in town and church (EvaKate got dedicated as well), but he gets to have a week of fun birthday things and then he'll have a couple friends go play miniature golf with him on Saturday.

It's been amazing to me to watch the difference this year in kindergarden has made. He has no babyishness to him left, he's a grown up kid now!

He's so smart...sometimes too much for his own good : ) If he misses answers, or gets in trouble it's usually because he thought he already knew how to do something and didn't bother listening or reading the directions. He definitely thinks he knows best and will regularly tell me, "but mom, I KNOW!"

He's reading and spelling like a champ, is at one of the highest reading levels that you can be in kindergarden. He's great at math and one of the easiest way to stop the question of "how long until we get there" is to make him count the seconds out of how many minutes we will get there (so 10 minutes is counting to 60 ten times). We'll be driving a long and he'll randomly ask me math questions like "mom, what is 3+3+3+4?" or "what's 40+60?" to which I make him answer and he almost always gets it right.

He's hilarious, and has the greatest laugh. Even if he's telling a joke that totally isn't funny, (like "knock knock, who's there?, orange, orange who?, orange you glad I didn't say tomato) his delivery makes us laugh, usually because he is laughing and his laugh is so contagious.

He's tough and brave. He can wrestle with his brother and dad and the boys on the baseball team throwing in some good hits and elbows. He's gotten hit with the ball a couple times and doesn't cry just bucks up and keeps playing.

Most kids avoid spiders and bugs but Josh actually searches them out and kills them for us (in the house, outside he'll only kill spiders).

Mainly because he's also compassionate. He doesn't mindlessly kill bugs. And he doesn't throw punches in baseball unless the other kids are on him and hurting him. He's great with his brother and sister, always looking out for them and trying to take care of them. He does that at church as well, always tries to help the younger kids. He remembers going downtown at Christmastime and helping the homeless and regularly asks if we can go back again to help the people.

He's sweet. He will still just randomly come over and give me a hug and tell me he loves me, or snuggle with me. He will sit there for half an hour just talking to his sister and trying to get her to smile at him. He loves to just snuggle on the couch with dad and watch baseball.

He is full of energy and excitement and is nonstop until he goes to bed.

He is such an incredible boy, and we are so lucky that God entrusted him to us!

difficulty of motherhood: venting

So yesterday pretty much sucked.

It was just a really hard day.

Sometimes being a mom is just tough, and it's not necessarily that you have a day where everyone's crying or screaming, but sometimes (at least I do) you just feel like you are in this rut of working so hard but that no one notices or cares.

Nobody seems to care you spent an additional half hour at the store with two kids searching for a star wars cupcake topper, or that you spent the little "me" time you get after the kids are in bed frosting cupcakes for a school birthday party. Or that the laundry gets done and put away, that there is a meal on the table almost every night and a lunch to take to school, or even that the baby isn't screaming because she is fed and happy.

Being a mom really is the most sacrificial unselfish thing I have ever had to do, and I can't think of anything else I will do that could top it.

Sometimes I laugh to myself when I hear people talk about their jobs. Just about anything you do at your job I do it, with three kids. Difficult phone calls? I lock myself in the bathroom or closet just to be able to have a business call, or ask the phone company why they've decided to start charging us an additional $10 a month. On your feet all day? Please, unless you're on them 14 hours then we can talk. Didn't have time for a lunch break? Me either, I'm lucky if I can get a granola bar in me before 2pm, and if i am disciplined enough to eat it usually is in front of Mickey Mouse, or while feeding a baby. Not so much of a break. Overflowing inbox? Try returning emails one handed with a kid in your lap.

I am the party planner, cater, chauffeur, administrative assistant, maid, dry cleaners, decorator and handyman all with three kids.

And is hard as it is, I still love what I do.

Yesterday was my grandma's birthday, she died almost exactly a year ago. In the past year I have lost two of my biggest supports and cheerleaders for this exhausting, unrelenting, thankless job that just happens to be one of the most important things I will do in my life.

My grandma had three boys, and was a big encouragement in the difficulties of life with boys. She encouraged me in general in my choice to stay home and serve my family. She was a great listener.

My mother in law always used to send me sweet notes building me up at just the right time. And she prayed like nobody's business for me. When I had to make difficult decisions to make, she praised me for making the right ones. She was a great example of being selfless with her family.

Both of these ladies meant so much to me and helped being steadfast as a mom be a little bit easier. I miss being cheered on and encouraged, and having people that could listen and relate on the hard days and could remind me that I will survive and will make it through, and even cry over how much I missed this.

I've had several people make comments to me recently about how I seem to have it all together, or am so calm and collected. I laugh to myself when they say this, because I am a hot mess. I feel like I can't do it all and am always failing at something. If there is any resemblance of being "with it" it's by the grace of God and nothing of me.

I know I don't always feel this way towards motherhood, but the last couple of months have been hard, and yesterday and today the toll of having lost two such important women in my life is resonating extra deep.

Ironically they were also the two who always sent me a Mother's Day card. This Mother's day is Josh's birthday and EvaKate's dedication so we will be celebrating those.

There is a book that has been a big encouragement to me recently. it's called the Invisible Woman by Nicole Johnson. I read it several years ago and it's analogy has stuck with me. It's a very short easy read and is about a mom who feels invisible. Confiding in a friend who is about to travel to France she breaks down. On the friends return she brings her a book about the beautiful cathedrals. She underlines in the book how it says the builders of these beautiful building cathedrals are unknown. Many of them spent their entire lives working on these buildings, not even getting to see them finished creating something they knew would be great and stand the test of time.

What I am building will stand the test of time. If I work hard and well people will admire the results for decades to come, remarking over the efforts of someone they very well may never meet. And even if no one else sees the beauty of what I have done, God does and it's for Him that I'm building.

Now if I can just remember that at 10:30 pm when I'm frosting cupcakes and making lunches.