Tis the Season

To be jolly.

Except we're not.

In all honesty, the last week has really sucked and been hard. The absence of Nancy right now is palpable.

This time last year was the beginning of the end. And we knew. She called to tell us that she wasn't going to be able to come down for Christmas as she was feeling too bad. And while it wasn't beyond my mother in law to say something like that to make sure she was really wanted, she never would have missed such a memory filled time with her grandchildren. Ever. Unless something was really wrong. And it was. We knew.

So we're questioning (should we have gone up to STL for Christmas even though I was 8 months pregnant, should we have confronted her sooner, should we have stayed in STL longer when we went up after EvaKate was born.....), and doubting, missing and praying.

Tomorrow is her birthday. We'll be having german chocolate cake for Christmas as it was always around this time of year. It was her favorite, I always made it for her. New Years is their anniversary. She never doubted moving up their wedding date so they could be married sooner, even if it was on an odd day.

It's just going to be our little family this year. No one's coming to visit. Not for lack of invites, just...different priorities.

But we're trying to put on our game face. It's time to impress upon the kids the reason why we celebrate, and it's EvaKate's first Christmas. I HATE that so many of her firsts are intertwined with sorrow.

We're also waiting on what could potentially be more bad news for another immediate family member. I think if I hear the word cancer one more time in the next year I'm going to vomit.

So even though when we look around right now all we see is pain, and suffering and sadness, it makes it that much bigger of a deal that Christ CHOSE to walk into this. Not only did He choose it, but He did so with a rescue plan. So that even though all we see is broken we have the hope that it won't always be. We have hope. Come, Jesus!

10 months

10 months. 2 from being 1. Every time I start to get upset about how fast it's going by and wanting to slow it down, I just have to hang out with her and then I'm good. It's so much fun to see her little personality coming out! And as squirmy as she is, it's also a really fun age. Here are some of the highlights:

• She's crawling. Still not with the most grace, but she'll get up on all fours and interchanging between that position and army crawling she gets where she wants
• She's making noises that sounds more and more like words. Like Jack, Josh, more and mama. She's got dada and daddy down. She jabbers all the time.
• She is still eating us out of house and home. She loves food. It's so funny to watch her get so excited about it, and then after each bite watch her wave her arms around and smile.
• She loves to point, and also stick her hands up in the air with both index fingers up like she's saying "I'm number 1!"
• If you ask her for a kiss, she'll give you kisses. Mind you it's open mouth, but they're super sweet (and slobbery)!
• She chews on anything she can get
• She loves baths and can now sit in the bathtub on her own. She's even ok with the water going over her head and on her face.

She's just so interactive! Christmas is going to be a blast with her and she's already itching to get to all the presents!

Lost tooth

So I think with all the craziness of travels I didn't update that Josh lost his first tooth. Literally.

The week before Thanksgiving he was at school and I guess he was sliding down a slide and (his story coming into play now) at the bottom some kid punched him in the mouth and then kicked him in the leg. When the kid punched him his tooth came out, and his mouth was bleeding. With all the blood Josh and the teacher forgot to look for his first lost tooth.

I think it's a bit more likely that Josh slid into the kid and some sort of accidental hitting took place, but who knows, he is a 6 year old boy who plays like one and his lip was swollen and slightly cut.

When I got called (since when you go to the clinic your mom gets called) and they told me his tooth was lost, I won't lie I wanted to cry a bit. This is my firstborns first lost tooth and you're telling me you lost it? Well let's go find it!!! And really, if I would have had EK and Jack tired and in the car, we probably would have been out on the playground searching through mulch. Because it's a big freaking deal people! For him and for me.

Thankfully not pushing Santa gives me a pass with the tooth fairy. My kids too smart and assumed I was she. While I neither confirmed or denied his theory, I didn't really have to. But I love that he has those deduction skills. So even though he didn't have a tooth to put in it he got out the tooth pillow (with a little pocket in it and everything) my grandma had made for him years ago (I hope that I plan that well before my death, what a gift to those mourning your loss, so many sweet reminders!) and put it by his pillow. He woke up in the morning with a $5 bill. First lost tooth bonus. Plus it was kind of a traumatic event. It will only be $1 going forward, maybe $.50 if Jack start overlapping him.

He's been having some really good weeks at school too. Seems like he has finally hit his stride. In December. Better late than never!

He also had (in my mind) a very big first this week. He was finally allowed to watch the first Harry Potter. He loves it, and I love that he loves it. He keeps asking me a ton of questions trying to figure out all the mysteries. I love his thirst for understanding. I also love getting to explain to him all the parallels to how Harry is like Jesus and Voldemort is like Satan. What a gift that every story echoes that of our Savior and gives us so many opportunities to give examples of and see different interpretations of what His love for us looks like!

To make up for my oldests streak of awesomeness, Jack has been being a pill. There's always one kid (if not two) that are in a phase it seems like. Jack has just been being super whiny and slow (the kid takes forever to do anything that involves movement) and unwilling to try to do most things by himself. I think he's going through a growth spurt and being his first year of preschool constantly fighting something off which would explain most of it, but I'm kind of ready for it to be over.

EvaKate is doing great, getting more teeth in, but I will be updating more on her next week as she turns (gulp) 10 months. They just grow up too darn fast!