Seasons Change

I detest sorting through the kids clothes each season. Sorting out what gets given away, is too small for both of them, doesn't work, is too holey...not only is it a rather lackluster procedure but it's just another reminder of how big they are getting.

And now for the first time I have had to do it with EvaKate. I found myself brimming with tears staring at a pair of white pajamas with pink butterflies remembering her wearing them just after coming home while the boys held her for one of the first times.

Funny how at times parenthood seems to drag by at times and you wonder if you really will be changing diapers for the rest of your life or stepping on another lego. Then other times you look up and it seems as if you just started the insane journey and six years have flown by.

Sometimes I breathe a sigh of relief at the idea of being done with diaper changing and making regular appearances at the movie theater once again. And other times I want to break down into tears at the thought of it beginning to end and do crazy things like have more children, knowing I would be immersed in the same types of emotion after that one.

Letting go isn't easy, but whether I do it or not my kiddos are growing up.

5 months

I'm 10 days late again... although I have a really great excuse this time: vacation.

Plus I really don't want to think about the fact that she's 5 months. Because that means she's 1 month from being half way done with being a baby. And I'm not ready for that.

I know I've gushed about how amazing she is (and probably somewhat annoyingly to some of you, I promise I had one very tough baby already!), but seriously I can't get over it.

She's is breathtakingly beautiful, happy, friendly, snuggly, sweet, a great sleeper and eater, and yet shows a fun and feisty side. I cannot wait to see the woman she grows into (although if the process would slow down I would be quite content with that).

There isn't a huge change to me from this month and last that's new, just improving on the other stuff.

• She rolls over all the time and can hold herself up longer
• She laughs out loud
• She grabs EVERYTHING, her favorite toy being my hair
• Once she gets something, it goes straight to her mouth
• We're teething
• She eats like a champ (solids still just once a day but she wants more)
• She's started doing this smile that is really funny where she crinkles up her eyes

She also does this really cute thing when she's nursing; when I'm switching sides she sounds like she's going to hyperventilate with a little fussing thrown in if I take too long. She also smushes up her nose while she's doing this. Girl likes her food. It's cute.

Someone asked me in the grocery store today if I had any special tricks to getting a girl after two boys, my only reply was: a lot of prayer!

We prayed so hard for this girl. Not just her conception, but her. She is a walking answer to prayer and the grace of God and I am reminded of that daily. She is such a blessing and a joy!

Doctor Drama

I have a pediatrician here I love, she's great. Her first response isn't to immediately push drugs, she's great with all of my children and the practice is amazing when she is unavailable.

And then I decided I didn't want to vaccinate my children. And in a really nice way, I was kicked out.

I have a whole rant I could do on that, but we'll just skip on over that.

So. I have 3 kids who need a doctor who accepts the idea of non-vaccination (I'm not even looking for agreement), is great with all 3 of my kids and doesn't try to ram drugs down my throat every time I turn around.

We gave the first recommendation a try today.

Jack has had peeing issues....pretty much forever. He's been pee potty trained for about a year now so the fact that every time he has to go is "do or die" time is stressful, frustrating and after a year, concerning. So between that and a few other symptoms we thought we would see if there was anything to be concerned about.

Long story short, there's not. And it's a long story because I had 3 kids in a doctors office for an hour and a half. THREE KIDS. AN HOUR AND A HALF. Doctors offices are like mommy hell. The kids are on guard, if not cranky from already being sick, it's tight quarters with either a lack of entertainment or germ filled entertainment, they are usually being poked and prodded, and you have to try to hold at least one down and communicate with the doctor while keeping two others happy. AKA achieving the impossible.

Between the amount of time I was there and the doctors inability to once recognize or touch my child (who was the patient) not to mention the lack of any helpful advice or direction I'd say it was a fail.

Why are normal, nice, non drug pushing doctors so difficult to find?

I'm tired of feeling frustrated and defeated every time I have to deal with the medical industry.

7 years

Sunday was Chris and I's 7 year anniversary. My how time flies. I officially feel old.

We got to celebrate Saturday evening with a lovely night out and wonderful restaurant.

Some people give each other gifts, we go to James Beard award winning restaurants (Canoe). Because that's how we roll. And we really like good food.

So thanks to amazing babysitters we headed out for several hours just getting to focus on one another and good food.

It was nice to take our time, chat and reflect. And did I mention the food?

I won't lie, it's been a rough year. Some years of marriage should count for extra for all you have to endure and persevere through. This has definitely been one of those.

Lots of change dealing with loss and new beginnings.

Despite the craziness of our circumstances, and at times our dispositions we have survived another year. Each year is an achievement, this one extra sweet.

We are far from perfect beings both of us still working through a ridiculous amount of sin and imperfections. Some issues are completely in the past, some we are improving on, and others will be lifelong battles the Lord uses to keep us relying on Him individually and His reminder that He is our only source of perfect comfort, protection and love that no human being can fulfill.

As newlyweds I must admit I thought older marrieds quite jaded and swore we would never let our love fade like that. Now a few years and several children in I realize they didn't necessarily let love die but it took a different form, mostly a more realistic form.

You can't always be holding hands and making out (just ask my 6 year old how gross that is), and sometimes it's a good day if you have conversation that is more than just dealing with the business of life (did you reschedule the dentist? Are we going to sign up for that sport, don't forget the deadline is approaching, so and so had that issue again do you think we should take them to the doctor? What day was practice? etc.).

It's hard to be romantic and still pursue one another in this phase of life. I think it's hard to keep the spark going until you climb out of this exhausting and physically demanding stage and transition into one with a little bit more flexibility. The balance is in keeping up the efforts until you get to that next point and not becoming content in doing life on your own or in passing. We're fighting for that. And it is a fight.

So we are CELEBRATING this year and making it through the hurdles. Even though it's been hard it's made us as a couple stronger and the our relationship that much deeper.

And very excited about the prospect of returning to the same restaurant to celebrate a year from now. It was good enough, and beautiful enough to make a tradition of. And we could use some stability right now : )

Lessons

A few things parenthood has taught me so far:

• I am capable of being fully functional on 6 hours of sleep for weeks on end. I hit a wall at about 6 weeks
• Not even parenthood can change my night owl tendencies
• Hearing my children pray and talk about Jesus reminds me that if I have succeeded at nothing else in life I have taught them about their Savior.
• Starving yourself until 3pm on a daily basis while you are busy making sure everyone else is fed does not equal weight loss. Darn.
• Kids are contained and quieter in the car and babies usually fall asleep there. When you need sanity, drive. With the music blasted and windows down if necessary.
• Other kids dirty diapers are way worse than your own kids
• Anything that is light colored will get stained, white is reserved for an evening out AWAY from the kids
• Rocking isn't for calming only the baby down
• If you want your older children to help you with the laundry, be sure to sort your things out first....unless you want comments on all your unmentionables
• One kiss, hug, grin or "I love you mommy" wipes away a multitude of mischief
• Grocery shopping days totally count as a workout. Between lifting kids in and out of the car and the cart plus walking in the stores, bathroom trips in the stores (more lifting and walking) trips back to the back for something you forgot and finally loading it in the car and then unloading it when you get home equals at least one hour of cardio
• Just because I don't understand or agree with the way someone has chosen to parent doesn't necessarily mean it's wrong. Sometimes in parenthood you just gotta do what you gotta do to survive.
• House cleaning counts as exercise too
• Sickness, storms and ouchies are all a chance for additional snuggles. Don't let these opportunities pass
• Don't set yourself up for failure or disappointment. There is no way you are going to make it to those 4 stores without someone having a meltdown, and the kids never sleep past 8:30 on Saturday morning so why hope for it?
• Puke doesn't bother me as much as I thought it did.
• It goes by WAY too fast
• Hide diapers and wipes EVERYWHERE. You will thank yourself when you run out of them at 10:30pm at night or you open your diaper bag to find your husband used the last one without telling you, because these things DO happen! But you won't have to worry when you look in the closet, or the glove compartment and save yourself a trip or argument.
• I'm a better mom when AT LEAST once a month I get some girl time and husband time both without children
• At some point in the day I will have had either pee, poop, puke or snot on me or cleaned it up. It's just is easier if I expect it.
• My husband isn't me, and I should not expect him to be. He is excellent at his job and I am excellent at mine. He doesn't have to remember every little thing the kids need when leaving the house, or that we are out of something or think about dinner because I do my job. And I don't have to worry that our bills will be taken care of and the garbage taken out and yard mowed because he does his.
• Forget the Boy Scouts someone should have coined the "Be Prepared" motto for motherhood. You will never regret having snacks, bottled water, an extra change of clothes and/or other necessities in the car.
• It is the most exhausting, selfless, all encompassing, relentless, repetitive job I have ever done and yet it's also the more important job I will ever do. I have no desire to give it up and am glad that during their most important years I get to take in every moment of the crazy insane joy it brings.

And the first will be last

Many of you are familiar with the verse in Matthew that says:

"But many who are first will be last, and the last first."

Matthew 19:30, ESV

This summer has dawned the awareness of competition in the boys and everything has become about it. Who can get in the car fastest, eat first, pick up quickest (I like this one!), etc. Josh has an obvious advantage in age, height, intelligence, well everything that being 3 years older offers you. Sensing a bit of discouragement from Jack in his constant defeat I read them this parable and verse in Matthew hoping to show them that winning and being first doesn't rank the same on God's scale.

They squirmed and messed with each other and half paid attention to my profound thoughts and lesson and soon enough they were dismissed.

Thinking we would be back to review the lesson in short order we went about our day.

Sure enough the next day I hear storming down the stairs and debating over who was going to win. Jack surprisingly won and was declaring his rare victory to which Josh replied "it's ok Jack I'm going to be first in heaven."

RockStar Daddy

My husband is amazing. Seriously.

Not perfect, don't hear me say that. He has his flaws, and he's a boy (meaning I can't expect him to read my mind, or think like I do and that's why he is good at what he does and I'm good at what I do...we don't think a like).

But great. A great leader, hard worker, humble beyond belief, incredible father, and most importantly in this case...brilliant.

This summer our boys manners (particularly Josh's) have taken a down hill turn for the worse. We hit a wall when he responded to one of our friends by talking back. Oh no he didn't.

So the discipline on talk back and lack of manners got a crack down, with not great results.

While having issues at the dinner table again last night my husband came up with a brilliant solution. Instead of disciplining the bad behavior we would focus on rewarding the good. Every time there was a yes ma'am or yes sir they got a mark. We started off small so they would get the idea, 10 marks got a treat. They learned fast. Now I can barely get something out of my mouth before they respond yes ma'am. Now we're working up to a toy from Target.

His idea was if they were focused on responding in the right way there would be less time for them to think about talking back or responding in an inappropriate way. I can think of so many ways to apply that theory, even in my own life.

Thankful for such a great guy in my life, and for his helping to restore my sanity!