Tough Stuff

It was a hard weekend for our family.

In a lot of ways I feel we are entering a new season where everything is unknown. We usually experience this about every 3 years just in the form of moving. Now we are living in the same spot but everything around us seems to be changing.

I think I would rather move.

This was Chris's last Sunday leading worship at the church plant we've been involved with. It was a decision that was a long time in the making and one that will honestly let us all breathe a sigh of relief for awhile.

While I'll miss seeing him get to play, and at times I know he'll miss it as well we have just been so overwhelmed in the last year. When the gig first started we had two preschool age kids and a fully functioning complete family. Obviously all of that has changed in the last year.

Josh is in school which is a very different schedule than the more laid back easy going preschool life. I have limited time with him and it's filled with homework and reading, or rushing out to baseball practice, games or small group.

We also added a child and lost Chris's mom, both of which have had major impacts in their own way.

And not to brag, but that husband of mine...he's kind of a big deal, closing deals and chatting with VP's. He has a lot of responsibility at work and puts in 50-60 hours each week. And he rocks it out. The big bosses adore him and want him to play golf with them. But that's a lot of work, and pressure and a lot for his brain to keep up with.

Then to try to pick out songs, practice, talk to and meet with all the people interested in playing, get the songs to the tech people and spend half of his Sundays at church (as well as show up at small group and help coach baseball)...it was just too much. There was no way he could keep up. And I was trying to manage everything at home and pick up the slack while he was trying to keep up. Which left both of us exhausted and drained and with little to no time for each other, and that only works for so long.

So that door is closed with quite a bit of peace and answer to long prayed prayers that went along with it.

Chris's dad also came down this weekend. With a new "friend". I still don't even really have words other than to just say it was hard. Mainly because every bit of it was a reminder of what no longer is. Our family won't ever be the same. And we miss her horribly.

I have no idea what is in store for the typically dependable side of the family. I know there are a lot more conversations and prayer that's taking place both between Chris and I and in general.

I know God has a plan for us. I repeat that to myself a lot. I KNOW GOD HAS A PLAN FOR US. I know He is loving and merciful and good and is doing a great work. But right now I feel like we are running off the memory and the promise of that then the current state of feeling. And we're all weary and ready to see His face and a glimpse of his plan.