Hard

Today is a hard day. Actually it has been a hard week.

Arnold (Chris's dad) came down for the weekend, and I think that was our first full dose of reality. For the past 3 years most of the time we have spent with his parents has been here in GA, so it was very strange to have him here without her. We went some of the same places and did some of the same things as we did the last time with her. We both kept looking up expecting to see her some where.

Chris' birthday was this week, and it's hard not to think about your birthday without remembering the one who gave birth to you. She used to call him early in the morning on his birthday. It felt weird not having the phone call where we all chat that evening as well.

In general though it seems to be more of the every day little things that make it hard. Hearing the song played at her funeral on the radio, looking at mothers day cards, hearing Adventures in Odyssey come on the radio, the boys getting excited at a package in the mail (it wasn't for them and they were bummed, she used to send them stuff all the time...even when she couldn't go to the store anymore she would order stuff online for them), talking with a mom who home-schooled... it's all the little things that manages to make life seem dull and leave me crying in the middle of Target parking lot.

We just miss her.

I find it interesting how you don't realize just how big the impact someone has on your life until they are no longer in it. Even someone like your mom or mother in law.

Easter will be hard as well. We've celebrated it with them for the last several years, and Nancy and I would always dye eggs with the boys. I thought we would just paint eggs this year (since it's less mess and I didn't have the back up pair of hands) but Josh was on the verge of tears he was so upset we weren't doing the eggs in "the water".

It will also be strange to wake up by an alarm instead of a text that says "He is Risen," to which the expected reply was "He is Risen Indeed!"

So today on Good Friday the presence of death seems very real and painful and makes us that much more mindful of what Christ's death. Looking forward to the hope that we have in Sunday morning and that even though we grieve, we grieve as those who have hope in the resurrection and the knowledge that some day we will get to see her again.

Not sure how people get through this without Jesus.