I had big plans of writing a blog for each month of the first year of EvaKate's life talking about where she is and what she is doing.

Obviously that didn't happen for the first month.

Our lives have been flipped upside down in the last 6 weeks.

In the last six weeks we have had a baby, found out Chris's mom had advanced breast cancer and was admitted to the hospital, found out Chris's mom had passed away and attended her funeral on top of finding out we had termites.

It's been rough.

Hopefully one day I will get around to, or have time to talk about our precious baby girl.

But for now we are grieving. The loss of a great woman, and a great mom. I have an incredible husband and a great deal of that is because of the work his mother did. When Chris and I first met I was in a difficult place, full of transitions and challenges. She was such a blessing to me during that time and we formed a close friendship. She was one of the best grandma's (GaGa) I've ever seen.

I think that's one of the hardest parts. When I think about the kids growing up without her in their lives I break down. Those boys loved their GaGa. And she loved them. She was a very accessible grandma, one to never say no (unless mom and dad required it) and always willing to get in the floor and play or do something crazy. The only time I saw her tell the boys she couldn't do something was either at our request, or 6 weeks before she passed when she literally couldn't get off the couch to play with them. Even then she mustered every bit of strength she had to hold that light saver and play with them.

Praise the Lord EvaKate got to meet her, I'm so grateful we have a picture of them together. But it makes me so sad to know that they won't get to really know each other. I think they would have found so much joy in one anothers presence.

The boys are learning how to grieve as well. Josh can lay out the biblical timeline of when he'll get to see her again and where, but he misses her. He asked if he prayed and asked God to tell GaGa something if He would tell her for him. We were explaining to Jack (again) how GaGa was in heaven with Jesus, but he just looked up sadly and us and said "but that's really, really far." When we saw the body he said that was a different GaGa and he wanted the other one. We are trying to let them walk through their own grief process and support them through it. I feel like it's asking too much of them, but we can't change what is.

I no longer have a mother in law, my husband doesn't have a mom and my kids only have one grandma.

We're still processing, grieving and recovering from an exhausting trip.

There aren't even words for the loss and the hole that is left without her. I'm not sure if I'll write any more about it because it just takes so much to even process, and hurts to think about. Thankfully God does not bring death and loss without also providing new life. We are grateful for the new life we see coming in a couple of situations in our lives, but most thankful for that of sweet Eva.

He gives and takes away, my heart will choose to say, blessed be the name!