Mission

I've been thinking a lot about mission and purpose recently.

Part of that is trying to figure out my own, and part of it is seeing how quickly and easily it can all become so skewed.

When I was in college I wanted to change the world for Christ. Go on mission trips, be in ministry, live boldly for God and his calling in everything I did.

When life called us to something a bit different than, at least I had expected, I felt that slip. All of a sudden I found myself playing the corporate wife to a very successful, on the rise financier, living in the suburbs in the south.

It's really hard to keep perspective in the suburbs. While my focus had once been social justice, outreach and missions, getting my hand dirty with the gospel and being noticeably different, I found myself very much fitting in.

Not that there is anything wrong with fitting in, I think in general God has given my husband and I that gift so we have a better ability to reach the lost, but blending in and not being set apart, I felt like was an issue.

I dress the same, act the same, live my life the same. I've started contemplating being room mom and on PTA, team mom for the baseball team, etc, etc. The generalized suburban housewife was what I was becoming. Not that any of that is inherently bad, but the purpose behind it is what was concerning.

See I had lost the goal of my mission. I figured for at least this period in life I couldn't be jetting off to other countries (and to a certain extent when you are pregnant or nursing, it does make it quite difficult). We weren't as connected with different organizations and outreach opportunities down here yet. Plus trying to manage that and 3 kids that you have all the time unless you are paying someone else to watch them proved defeating at the least. I basically considered myself temporarily useless for the cause. Or more importantly, in the way I had decided I wanted to live it out.

We as stay at home moms, I feel like, are extra sensitive to needing a "mission". Hopefully I'm not the only one who struggles with day after day remembering that raising your children is one of the biggest investments you'll ever make. Remembering that wiping that nose, or bum is somehow advancing the kingdom. Sometimes I'm just desperate to do something where I can see that I still have value beyond being a chef, chauffeur, or a maid. So we become room mom, have the best decorated house on the block, HOA president, best lawn, gourmet hostess, team mom, even throw ourself into every activity the church offers. Anything where we are able to use our talents and abilities and feel useful, appreciated and see results.

And while all of those things are not bad, they just aren't the goal, and won't ever completely fulfill us in the way the true mission can. I can fulfill the goal by being room mom, I just have to make sure my goal is rooted in the mission, not out of our inherent need for a mission finding an outlet.

The goal, The mission, is to be constantly living out the gospel and being an ambassador for Christ. I don't have to be overseas to do this. In fact, I'm probably NOT supposed to be, or else God would have us living there. The place He most wants me doing that is in my back yard, and my sons schools, in the grocery store I frequent, and to the other moms on the baseball team. Right. Where. I. Am. In what I do, every day.

When my eldest decides to be ugly to his brother for the hundredth time that day, it's having the time and patience to sit down and explain to him why he's doing that (sin) and reminding him he has freedom in Christ, and he's called to more. When the room mom calls last minute and asks me to make cupcakes for the teachers birthday (even though sugaring first graders up on her birthday seems like the opposite of a gift), it's serving her by taking one more thing off her plate and showing her I'm someone she can rely on and trust. When headed out to parent teacher conferences, bringing a fun drink and snack to help the teacher make it through the day and show her I care. After building a friendship with the other moms on the baseball team, not just giving empty responses to their struggles, but loving them and giving them Christ like wisdom and inviting them to church or sharing the gospel.

I think for the most part to women, these sort of things come some what naturally. We were created to be caring and nurturing, to foster relationships. We do this, for the most part, without thinking. But again, it's not just the action, but the intention we are concerned about. While I love my friends, I don't want to hang out just to have surface level conversation. I want to be encouraged in Christ, to be built up in His name when I'm struggling, to be reminded we are all sinful fools trying to figure out life.

Any relationship or responsibility not rooted in the gospel and it's mission will just leave us empty or wanting more.

It's not easy. I know I'm struggling. But I'd rather struggle in fulfillment and awareness than struggle feeling lost and empty.

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus made me His own. Brothers (sisters!), I do not consider that I have already made it my own. But one things I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you."

Philippians 3:12-16