Mama

Well it's official, EvaKate said her first word today! And after two boys who both said dada first, I am very proud to announce that my daughters first word was mama.

Mind you she usually only does it when she's fussing, and I'm not sure she connects that it's me she's calling just yet (although she does seem to associate it with me) she has said it, repeatedly. Throughout the day. So. it. counts.

I took a meal (putting it lightly, having been a first time mom and enjoying cooking I usually bring more like a meal, a couple lunches, breakfast and snack...it's one of the ways I serve) to a friend today who is doing mommyhood for the first time. That and a post I saw about what you would tell your pregnant self had me thinking a bit...what advice would I give?

Where to begin would be the better question. At 21 I barely knew myself let alone how to be responsible for another human being. I was the first of my friends by at least 3 years to have kids as well. No one, and I mean no one on my radar had children in the past 20 years, or ever. Even then the internet was not like what it is now where I would have had some sort of online information source on how to do it all.

I remember one of my best friends moms (who is one of the wisest women I know and adore, and wish I could be mentored by except for that whole other state business) telling me life would never be the same. I remember getting in the car after hearing that and telling Chris I didn't think that was true and I didn't want parenthood to totally change us and who we are. Someone should have smacked that proud naive girl upside the head.

All that said, I think I would have told myself that it will be the hardest most selfless thing you will ever do. But it is so worth it. Sometimes you won't think so, you'll feel like you're failing and you can't do it. You can't. Not without God. And some days will be survived by his grace alone. And it does take a village, at least one supporting you in the most difficult job ever. Find a village, and plug in. You need people, who have been there, who are there, who can tell you you'll make it, and so will your child, someone who you can escape with for a few hours. Before you know it the days of exhaustion will diminish and you'll see then end in sight. And then you will want it all back. Drink it in. Take lots of mental pictures. Snuggle every chance you get. Say yes more than you say no, or wait a minute. Because motherhood is the hardest most selfless thing you will ever have to do. You love something with all of your being, pour all of your thoughts, focus and energy into growing something and then you have to let it go. Did I mention you needed God?

That's what I would say. And why I'm extra sentimental about that sweet gummy mouth being able to say "mama" today and even more excited that I'm the one she's talking to.